I just bought more yarn. Seriously!  I don’t know why I do this to myself.  I have, in my life, completed two knitting projects.  Both hats.  Both lost indefinitely.  So, even with a basket of yarn, two crochet projects ready to be made into something spectacular, and a scarf (unfinished by 4 inches) that I have been working on since 2008, I go and buy more yarn!

What could I possibly be thinking?

In all honesty, this yarn is really, really soft; I doubt many could have not walked by and pet it.  I chose a bright blue and vibrant orange.  I could envision hundreds of carefully crocheted squares coming together in the most beautiful blanket ever!  I was consumed by the though of it.  I walked down the aisle of the store, gently stroking my new cuddly skeins.  Granny Squares reflected in my eyes.

It always starts out like this.  I have big dreams that I really believe will come true as long as I just try.  I watch Youtube videos; I try to do everything. But I only get so far.  My frustration builds up quickly, and I deflate.  The instructions never give quite enough information, or the videos go a little too fast and my mind starts to wander.  After a few days, and more than a few rows, unraveled and knitted again….and again.  Then a crochet hook picked up and the same scenario unfolds.  What is left is a bunch of unfinished projects and a whole lot of yarn unused because I don’t want to use it until I am ‘good’, and can make something great.

I am extremely good at comparing myself to others.  It is a very bad habit that I don’t condone. I just get frustrated, more importantly I get upset when it doesn’t just ‘come’ to me. I feel as if everyone is better or has the potential to be better than me. If I can’t pick up some needles or a hook and make something great, well I must be doomed to failure.  It happens too often, I let my fear of failing take over and I just leave things. More or less,  I give up!  How ridiculous!  Why would I do such a thing and how (after years of doing it) can I stop?!

The fear of failure.  How many people have had this happen to them? Everyone I bet.  But for some reason it just sounds so incredibly trivial when you bring it down to the most basic levels of life.  Fear of failing at knitting?  It is really laughable!  More so in fact because knitting and crocheting and other such hobbies are meant to be fun and relaxing and enjoyable.  This is why I really don’t understand why I just let my projects sit. My problems are probably basic and can be fixed so simply.  So I why do I fear failing when really it isn’t failing at all? Just a process of learning.

There are really so many ways to look at this.  I know I want to learn how to knit well (for me this means 1. finishing something and 2. possibly learning to knit with two colors)  and I would like to be able to pick up a hook and crochet whenever I have the desire. This means learning terminology and knowing technique.  Sounds simple.  Sounds hard.  Sounds exciting!!  And logically, with knitting or crocheting, there really is no failing, because things are reversible. If you make a mistake, you just back up.  How often do we get that opportunity in life?  A rewind!

In my last post, I stated that I WANTED and NEEDED these crafts for sanity.  I still believe it. Starting these projects is really a lesson in so many other things: Letting the small stuff go, Persistence, Humor, and what I am now seeing as something important beyond the beginning and end of a project–Potential.

It is like that quote I see on cards all the time—

What would you do if you knew you could not fail?

My suggestion for everyone is to try it and see.

PS as of today (Tuesday) I finished a crochet hat !!! although not perfect, I DID IT.

pictures to follow